Article item posted on Friday, June 19th 2009 at 11:39 am

The conservatives have a belly-ache from  exposure to a flu that their medical advisor – Mr Tony Abbott – suggests could become a parliamentary pandemic that even the WHO can’t control.

Members of Australia’s  Liberal Party are known for their scintillating  parliamentary wit, their proclivity for brevity and their over-reaching ethical position on the treatment of their members health – not! – demonstrated with alacrity in their dealings with past Australian Labor Party PM’s such as Paul Keating.  So it comes as little surprise to see Tony Abbot complain that the  “free entertainment” of question time has disappeared under the Rudd government.

This disturbing disease, that threatens to spread rapidly and overtake all parliamentarians in the House of Representatives, is due, according to Tony Abbott, to the the fact that Prime Minister Kevin Rudd is a “Toxic Bore“.  One can only guess that poor old Tony is confused in his spelling and the causes for flu and meant to spell that as “boar”, but we’ll never know for sure as one of the first symptoms of this alarming potential pandemic is “relevance”.

Tony Abbott, overtaken and clearly showing the signs exhibited by victims of the affliction, went on to say:

“Rudd’s tone oscillates between injured innocence and earnest self-importance, but he never uses one word when a dozen might muffle his point,”

Wit and brevity should be key during question time..”

“Oppositions don’t normally move gag motions during question time but answers exceeding four minutes really should be closed down.”

“Closed down”?  The first signs that the liberal party’s health and safety monitor, Tony Abbott, is seriously considering some kind of isolation for other members of the party exposed to this frightening disease.  Of course we know from the Swine Flu pandemic of recent times that quarantine simply isn’t effective.

The WHO spokesperson, Roger Daltrey, declined to comment specifically, saying instead: “There’s a lot of weirdos out there since people started smoking Tamiflu, man!”

In the meantime, sources close to the Federal Health Minister, Nicola Roxton, have stated.

“It’s probable there is little the emergency actions of poor Tony Abbott can achieve in these measures to prevent Verbal Diarrhea.  At this time we won’t be enforcing the use of facemasks, but Mr Abbott is free to use one if he thinks it may help.”

The Australian National Party spokesperson for barnyard afflictions wasn’t available for comment.

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Scott Kane

Member Australian Democrats